J3: Wufei's secret
by Kaosu Buraindo
Summary: Wufei has a little secret that only Duo knows, but will Duo be able to tell anyone and live? ^_^


Hehehe, you knew this was coming, you had to know this was coming. I can't help it, I have to bash either Wufei or Relena. I'd prefer Relena, but Wufei's just too cute not to bash! Anyways, onto the silly little ficcy. Please don't flame me you Wufei lovers, when I bash him it just shows how much I love him deep down! ^_____^   
Warning: Wufei bashing, possibly a damn here and there. That's about all. Oh, and the forever evil presance of teletubbies. If they scare you too much, than I suggest you leave right now. I know they scare me O.O   
  
******   
  
March 3rd

Hey! Duo here. I was bored one day, and Quatre told me to keep up a journal so...here i am!...yup, this is real fun....uh hun....DAMNIT! this is BORING! what's the use of having a damn journal if you have nothing to write in it??? Hey wait...isn't that Wufei? what's he doing...Oh...Dear......God......is Wufei watching...TELETUBIES?? oh, this is good! look's like this thing is gonna be useful after all! Hang on, i'll get a closer look.  
He is! he's watching Teletubies! HAHAHA! oh, wait till the guy's hear about this!...oh, shit. I think I was writing too loud, cause Wufei just spotted me. Uhhh...I think I better go now...Yikes!

March 4th

Duo here. I saw Wufei watching teletubies...and lived to tell about it! hahaha! I am INVINSABLE! ..it was a hella close call, look what he did to my journal! -------------- See that? That's a battle scar, man. That's where he slashed you with his Katana ..But he didn't destroy you! oh no no no! he almost chopped my braid off though ;_;. He chased me around the damn house until Trowa came home. He said if i didn't keep my mouth shut he'd skin me alive and hang me out to dry by my braid o.O some friend....  
Anyways, that's not the point. i have vital information that MUST reach the rest of the world! ..or at least the rest of the gundam pilots. Now, I need evidence. I'll formulate a plan and then I'll get back to you.

March 5th

Yes! i have the perfect plan to catch Wufei in the act! I'll video tape him! I have it all planned out. I'll sneak into the living room where he usually goes to watch his sick little show, then, I'll hide behind the huge plant and video tape him for about 2 minutes and then take off. If I run into Heero's room maybe I'll be able to stay alive...he hates it when him and his laptop are interrupted, but if it's only me in there maybe he'll let me stay until Wufei leaves...  
Well, I'm gonna go for it! wish me luck!

March 6

Alright, this is the day … I've got my camera, I've got my first aid kit, and I've got my gun just incase he goes a little too ballistic. I've timed it so I can get in there, film him, and then get out again right in time for Trowa and Quatre to come home. If they come late, I'll seek shelter in Heero's room. Knowing him, he'll kick us both out. If that happens, I'll run towards the back door and hop on the bus. If this all goes according to plan, Wufei's little secret will be out in the open! BWAHAHA!!.... well, here it goes!

*Duo is crawling on his hands and knee's towards a huge goofy looking plant, while Wufei is sitting in front of the T.V, enjoying an episode of Teletubies.* Duo: *whispering* Is this thing on? ...yup!  This is Duo Maxwell here, at the home of the gundam pilots. Without anyone but me knowing, Wufei is committing a serious crime!...watching...*dun dun dun* TELETUBIES! Don't believe me? well, see for yourself!  
*the camera turns, and all view of the T.V is blocked, by a very, very, very pissed off looking Wufei.*  
Wufei: MAXWELL!!!!!!!! Duo: Eeeek!!! *takes off into a mad sprint. Turns the camera to face him* Dear God! something has gone horribly, HORRIBLY wrong! The dreaded Wufei has somehow caught me in the act of capturing him on tape! DAMN, he's good! Since Quatre and Trowa aren't home, my only hope is Heero!.....I'm dead -_-, goodbye, cruel world...  
*Wufei unsheathes his Katana and charges at Duo* Wufei: IIIIIYYYYYAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!  
Duo: Uwwwaaahhh! *Dives into Heero's room and slam's the door shut behind him. Just as he breaths a huge sigh of relief, the tip of a Katana is jabbed threw the door, inches away from Duo's side*  
Duo: Eeek!  
Heero: What the hell!? Duo! get OUT! *Jab's a finger at the now-pierced door*  
Duo: but but but, he'll KILL me!  
Heero: So?  
Duo: Heero! wait! you don't understand! i caught Wufei watching Teletubies!  
*Heero raises a questioning eyebrow at Duo*  
Duo: it's true! that's why he's after me! he was watching Teletubies, Heero! and he was ENJOYING it! he CAN'T be human!  
*Just as Heero is about to yell at Duo and throw him threw the door, a huge crack is heard and the Katana goes threw the door again. It's pulled out and Wufei looks through the hole*  
Wufei :Hhhheeeeeerrrreeeeeesss WUFEI!  
Duo: AAAAAHHHHHHH!! *Jumps on Heero and Clings to his neck*  
Heero: Mmppphhhmmpphh!  
Duo: *squeals* HELP ME!!!  
*The door comes crashing down and Wufei is seen in the doorway, Katana in hand, with a mad gleam in his eye*  
Wufei: Maxwell......  
Duo: AHH! HEERO! SAVE ME!  
Heero: -_-()....  
Wufei: Heeerrrreee Maxwell Maxwell Maxwell...i won't hurt you...I'm only going to rip every organ out of your body, grind it beneath my feet, and then SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!  
Duo: Meeeeppp! *Duo is seen jumping off of Heero, which sends poor Heero flying into a wall, racing right by Wufei, Jumping out the nearest window and running as fast as his little leg's can carry him to the nearest buss stop*  
Wufei: Come back here you bastard! *Wufei raises his Katana and run's after Duo, while Heero is laying on the floor, trying to absorb everything that had just occurred.

*click*  
Hello, Duo Maxwell here. I have to keep an electronic journal cause it takes too much energy to write. NO, my hands aren't hurt, I'm just tired as hell. The case scene lasted until 10 pm. Damn, Wufei is stubborn...after i got on the bus, he chased along side it, waving his Katana in the air and sputtering curses in some weird language...I guess it was Chinese. Anyways, after i got off the bus at some bus station, i thought I was okay...until I saw Wufei get off the bus behind me... *huge sigh* anyways, he chased me for another.....20 minutes, until he finally caught up with me and tackled me to the floor! i grabbed the closest thing I could find...which happened to be a garbage can, and whacked him across the face with it, then took off. He was pissed off to say the very least...  
Anyways, I still don't have the evidence i need to prove he's a teletubie follower...so no one believes me! *Pouts*  
Hey wait … what's that? *door creaking open. Sounds of little people saying "uh oh" and "bye bye" are heard in the background* Oh...this is perfect! he's watching Teletubies! I'll get him on a recorder …listen up! *sound get's louder and louder, a light thud is heard. and then Wufei's voice: "LaLa! Tinky Winky! Poe! tehehe! I love this show!*  
Oh my god....it's worse then I thought …I gotta keep from laughing...*Wufei is heard singing along to "Mary had a little lamb"*  
Wufei: *singing* Mary had a little lamb who's face was white as snow! *giggle*  
Duo: *snicker*  
Wufei: *still singing* and everywhere that Mary went the lamb was sure to go! *squeals and clap's along with the song*  
Duo:..i can't take much more of this! this guy's a friggen' loonie! *muffling is heard and sounds of light footsteps*  
Duo: please let me make it alive out of this one..*more footsteps and a door opening slowly* please please please please...*door shutting*...YES! i have the EVIDENCE! …oh who's home today … Quatre! I've got to show this to him! *door opening and more footsteps, then another door opening*  
Duo: *whispering* Quatre!  
Quatre: oh! hello, Duo!  
Duo: Shhhh! *door shutting then locking*  
Quatre: *raises an eyebrow* what are you doing?  
Duo: hehehe! you know how I said that I saw Wufei watching Teletubies? well i got EVIDENCE!  
Quatre: Duo, you really shouldn't make accusations about Wufei  
Duo: they aren't accusations! Listen! *Tape is stopped then rewound. Wufei singing along with the Teletubies is played*  
Quatre:.....Duo, you were right...I never would have guess that Wufei would have watched Teletubies...maybe you or even Trowa …  
Duo: ME!? What's THAT suppose to mean!?  
Quatre: never mind! I've got to show this to Trowa!

March 10th

Well, I'm back to writing in my journal. I'd say it's a happy ending for this teen! Quatre showed the tape to Trowa, who showed it to Heero, so now they all know about Wufei's sick little obsession...Wufei was...pissed off to say the least, he came after me again, but THIS time I had everyone back me up!  
I kinda feel sorry for him...well...Bah! what am I talking about? this is great! Wufei is cowering in his room because he is afraid to show his face. I would be too!...I'm still trying to think of what Quatre meant when he said he would believe that I watches Teletubies...  
Duo Maxwell.


End file.
